4 Tips for Discussing Assisted Living Options with an Aging Family Member

Assisted living is an excellent option for seniors who need extra help with daily tasks. However, many aging adults are resistant to the idea. You can use the following tips to have respectful, productive conversations about assisted living with the aging adult in your life.​

1. Validate Their Feelings

Your loved one will likely feel some strong emotions during your discussions. It’s important not to dismiss, ignore, or belittle these feelings. Use validating phrases like, “I hear you. It’s scary to think about moving into a new place” or, “It’s understandable that you feel angry and abandoned. I’m here for you.”

Acknowledging your loved one’s emotions shows them that you’re a safe person to talk to. They’ll feel less alone and more empowered once they process their feelings. 

2. Give Them Choices 

Your aging loved one is likely still capable of caring for themselves on a basic level if they’re going into assisted living. They should be able to make choices that work best for them. 

While you may have to be firm about some aspects of the move, you can allow your loved one to voice their opinions about each option. Afford them some degree of personal autonomy so they don’t feel weak, helpless, and isolated as they prepare for the transition.

3. Focus On How Assisted Living Can Help Them

While you should make it a point to validate your aging loved one’s feelings, it’s also important for them to know the facts. Their abilities and limitations might be a source of shame for them, so use kind, empathetic wording as you seek to inform them.

You might bring up events that indicate that assisted living is the best option for them. For example, if they frequently have trouble getting themselves dressed in the morning, it could be a sign that they need a little help.

Make sure to offer your loved one reassurance every step of the way. Their limitations aren’t their fault, and they deserve a safe, comfortable place to call home.

4. Take Time to Cool Off Before Arguments Happen

If you sense that an argument is imminent, it may be best to take a step back from the conversation. Fighting will only reinforce the idea that your loved one is no longer in control of their life. Resist the urge to become embattled in logical arguments, even if you believe you’re right.

You should continue validating your loved one’s feelings if they express anger, disappointment, or resentment over your decision. It’s crucial for them to know that they’re loved and cared for during this difficult and uncertain time. 

Communication Is Key: Talk About Assisted Living Before the Move

Don’t wait until it’s time for your loved one to move — have these tough conversations now so that they feel prepared. Assisted living is a wonderful resource for seniors who need extra help, and your loved one will come to see that for themselves with time.